dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am mentally ready for anal.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
