You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
