did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
