Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
