I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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