My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Drake has all the answers
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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