what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
