he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
