Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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