so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
