I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
