Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
