are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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