He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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