I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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