Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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