I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
