remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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