never play flip cup with pint glasses
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
