ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
