walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
