i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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