Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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