I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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