I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
