We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
