you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
