Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
