I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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