my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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