i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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