Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
