farters have to be the big spoon...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
