so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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