Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
