Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
