Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
