Is it normal to miss your booty call?
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
