I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
my liver is dry heaving
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Come on in and take your pants off
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