just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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