she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
