well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i used baking grease as lip gloss
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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