were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
