Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
