He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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