My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
