Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
