my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
