i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
