How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
