He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
