My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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