I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
